He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
