It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
