just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
