Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
