Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
as a side note pls kill me
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
