Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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