My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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