No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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