Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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