TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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