I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
