I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
