no, he came in my armpit
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
