Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
