i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
