Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Drunk is not a location!
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