The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
