i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
