I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
