so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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