Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
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