I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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