Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
