idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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