hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
