There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
