3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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