I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
