This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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