you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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