at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
