That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
This is classic penis vs brain.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
