So drunk its hurt
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
