Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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