her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
