I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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