I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
