Don't make out with my wife yet
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Four minutes until I can fart!
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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