just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
