dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
