i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
