Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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