I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
