when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
