And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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