It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
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