if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
