i don't like sucking hair
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
