Can i not drive my cunt home
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
