So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
