Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
