Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
